Saturday, October 14, 2017

Still making progress

Same old pattern.  Find a method that allows me to make progress, make progress, flatten out, search for new exercise that allows me to make progress, make progress, flatten out, search for new exercise that allows me to make progress, lather, rinse, repeat.

Well, I'm currently making progress--been doing the same thing for about a month or two, and have been making great progress.  I suspect that this may be the final hump, which has me very excited.  It has me excited because I suspect it's something I should have been doing all along, but was afraid that it was something that I would have to do because I didn't think I could do it. 

It turns out to not be so bad.  It appears my eyes are straightening out.  I believe I'm closer than I was was before.  Not sure how much time I have left to go. 

One weird thing I've been thinking about is how strange this journey has been.  I get the sense that there's no way that a vision therapist could have guided me to where I am, and that getting here actually requires a ton of persistence, stumbling, experimentation, locking in gains, and slowly ratcheting on up.  The techniques I've developed are too meta and probably too nuanced to explain.  One has to become intimate with one's own visual system, and figure out how it works in a way that makes sense to one's self. 

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Making quite a lot of progress.... found a vein.

I might have found the fast leg of the journey.  But who knows. It was a leg that I had hoped in the back of my mind that I wouldn't have to take, because it's apparently tedious.

It's stretching open the portal, as mentioned in the previous entries.  I have noticed a lot of progress in the past few weeks by implementing this technique.  Really hammering on the fixation cards exercise, and then casually doing Brock String (mainly for gauging progress),  and then doing Vivid Vision.  That's my approach at 80/20 (giving primary focus on things which give the best results).

Shit, I have learned so much.  Right now what's on my mind is the pliability of the mind.  And the idea that there are little things--little elements in the mind, which you can reach out, and sort of touch.  And if you give those elements enough focus, they can grow, and you can begin to do interesting things with them.  If you're Wim Hof, that means that you can consciously control your immune system.  If you're me, it means you can be significantly more thoughtful and effective about your approach toward vision therapy.   The mind is powerful.  We're beginning to understand how powerful it is and the weird things that can be achieved via focus.  I'm really beginning to believe that normal people can do amazing things with the right training and meditative practice.

Yeah... yesterday I saw the smallest distance ever between the double beads.  Pretty excited.  As the beads get closer, I'm going to have to train more and increase my sensitivity to the decreasing change between the feeling of switching from each eye.  I will commensurately build on that sensitivity until the switching is entirely squashed and both eyes are fully on all the time.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Stretching open the portal is working

For now.  For now, stretching open the port is working.

By that, I'm talking about the fixation cards exercise wherein I slowly and deliberately try to stretch fixation across both eyes.  Inevitably when I stretch over to the other side, while slowly moving the card closer and farther away, I will switch fixation to the other eye.  However, I pay very close to the feeling of the stretching, and I don't sweat it when I switch over.  Not switching eyes isn't my goal at the moment.  Stretching my fixation ability across both eyes simultaneously is.

It's a hard, tricky, and subtle technique, and one that I'm convinced I never would have discovered had I not learned how to slow down, relax, and hyperfocus my mind via meditation.  Your brain and mind are doing a lot of things that you'll never get to see and appreciate without the crazy levels of focus and introspection you can attain with a rigorous meditation practice.

Stretching open the portal appears to be the exercise that is doing the most lifting at the moment.  I actually don't think it's Vivid Vision.  I think in my case with vision therapy--the process requires raw, deliberate, conscious effort, and there's no way of getting around that.  I don't think a guy like me will ever break the lifelong habit of using my eyes incorrectly by playing a game.  That's not knock on Vivid Vision--I think they are amazing, and what they are doing is amazing and admirable--that's just my impression at the moment.

It goes back a little to a previous entry in which I reflect about why I think vision therapy is so much easier for children than for adults.  And my thesis is that vision therapy is easier for children not so much because of their high neuroplasticity as much as it is that they don't have a strong preference for doing anything in any particular way--simply because they lack experience.

Well, I have a ton of experience.  I have a ton of experience in using my eyes incorrectly.  33 years in fact.  And that, I feel, has a lot to do with the apparent requirement for me having to learn how to meditate and devise ways of trenching new neural pathways, manually and consciously trying to convince each neuron in the chain, that yes, this will eventually be worthwhile.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Getting close to fusion

I probably have five entries titled something along the lines of 'focusing on fusion'.  It's something I've been focusing on lately, but in a different manner.  Lately, my strategy has been focusing on getting fixation on both eyes simultaneously, and today, I think I finally got that a little for the first time.

I've talked in entries past about how I can fix with one eye and the other eye is sort of just hanging along for the ride.  I can see through the non-fixing eye and its input is sort of lazily drifting around, while the fixing eye's is rock-solid.  Well, I've been using that drifting image as a means of feedback to know that I'm not fixing properly with that eye.  I can switch over to the drifting image, make it rock-solid, but then the other image starts drifting.  Whack-a-mole.  So the strategy has been to pay extremely close attention to that moment when there is a switchover from control of one eye to the other--sensitizing myself to that switchover--building on that ability.  It's extremely subtle and hard to detect the instant it happens.  But I've been getting better at it, and as I've gotten better at it, the less the non-fixing eye seems to drift around.  So I think that a good exercise to do.  It seems to be doing something.

Today near the end of the exercise--I did 20 minutes, but added another few because I was doing well--I actually was fixing with both eyes for a few moments.  Controlling both eyes independently simultaneously.  Singing and playing guitar at the same time.  It was feeble.  And surprisingly--the images weren't superimposed.  But **I** was definitely behind both eyes at the same time.  But if I can get to this state sooner next exercise, I should be able to build the motor ability of both-eye coordination to the point where I can increasingly easily get superimposition--err--fusion.

When I was doing the modified Brock String, I noticed I was definitely getting an X.  It was really satisfying.  One of the lines of the X was a little translucent, but it was the Xest X I'd yet experienced--an indicator of decreased suppression.

When I was doing Vivid Vision---there was a point where something came at me unexpectedly and I jumped and yet 'shit!!'.  I felt electricity jump through my arms.  That was the first time I had an experience quite like that in VR.  

Another thing I noticed I'm definitely getting blending.  When I superimpose things on each other--if they're different colors, like yellow and blue--it becomes green.  Blending.  So I have definitely come quite a ways.  The indicators are everywhere.  I'm going to keep doing this thing now.  Keep blogging and see where this goes.  Should be good.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Still stretching open the portal

Yeah, I waver between optimism and pessimism.  But none of that wavering changes the fact that my vision is changing.  My vision has never been better than it is now and it is because of the exercises that I'm doing.  Those reasons alone make quitting an impossibility.  In the most basic sense, what I'm doing now is the same as I've done in the begnning.  Constantly looking at what I'm doing, sensing what exercises producing the best results, and then tweaking the exercises.

I've changed my regimen a bit.  Now it's 20 minutes of fixation cards, five minutes modified Brock String, and 20 minutes of Vivid Vision.  And I'm doing less vision therapy.  I'm going to cut down to doing vision therapy three times a week.  Let's just see how that goes.  I don't think it's going to have a negative impact.

I mean, because of vacations and visiting my family in New Hampshire, there have been periods in which I wasn't doing any vision therapy.  But I do find myself in idle time playing with my eyes and playing with this middle zone between switching eyes, and trying to stretch that space out as much as possible so that I'm using both eyes more and more as time goes on.  If you know what vision therapy exercises are doing, you don't really need equipment for vision therapy.  You can do vision training anytime by consciously doing what it is that the vision therapy exercises constrain you to do.

The 20 minutes of fixation cards seems to have been a good decision.

I am doing weird things to my brain by doing this exercise.  I am really finding the spot and paying as much attention as possible to what is happening when I switch from eye to eye.  Doing this appears to lessen eye preference over time, and I'm noticing significantly reduced suppression when doing the Brock String as a result of this.  Also, Vivid Vision is becoming trippier.  VR--I think--with stereopsis is going to be an entirely different experience.  Slowly, I'm tearing open this door in between my eyes.  Finding this new muscle and building it.  That is the key--first finding this capability--and then building on it.

I think I'm onto something.  I will keep going.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Opening the door to Narnia

I made an adjustment to the regimen.

I'm now doing 20 minutes of fixation cards.  Also, I've changed the way I do the fixation cards.  It's a little hard to explain but here goes.

I'm not focusing on the in-between between fixing with the right eye vs with the left.  It is a very odd sensation, because that moment between changing eyes is done almost without me being aware of it.  What I'm going to try and do is keep switching between the eyes slowly as possible, and train my ability to detect the switch, and just go slower and slower until I find the point at which both eyes are under my command.

It's so weird because the targets are red and green, and it switches between red and green without my awareness, even though I'm triggering it and willing for it to happen.  Vision therapy can definitely be trippy, and sort of borderline philosophical (who's doing what?  What is the I?  What am I?) practice.

 Displaying IMG_20170617_155313.jpg
That's the card I'm working with.  You see that dirt on the middle right bottom?  That's oil from my fingers from having used this same card for around a year for about 15 minutes per day.  That's about 92 hours of holding that sheet.

Hopefully as I get closer to that inbetween state, I can stay there, become sensitive that that new place, and keep enlargening the door so that I can eventually walk through.



Sunday, June 11, 2017

Using less prism again

I'm fairly certain that I'm making progress.  I am noticing more depth in Vivid Vision.  My eyes are aligning.  I just wish things would move quicker.

I am now operating under the idea that fusion should not require much effort.  Now when I'm doing the fixation cards, after I've been using the seven diopter prism for a while it gets to the point where it's easier to get fusion if I use less prism.  This, I think, is because the fixation card exercise practices fusion, and my brain then tries to continue that practice when looking at things in the world.  This, of course, doesn't involve prism, so the result is that the brain gets used to no prism a bit so when I go back to the exercise later with seven diopter prism, there's less need for so much.  As a result, over time with doing this exercise, I need less and less.

Now I'm using just four, but it's a legitimate four--unless something happens and I have to move back in order to get effortless fusion.

So yeah, things are moving along I suppose.  I really have been noticing some depth changes, and decreased suppression, especially when looking at bottles on desks, or the books on my bookcase.  I am noticing the input more and more.  I'll do this for a couple more months, ride it out, get as much out of it as possible, and then re-adjust if need be.